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A couple of weeks ago I attended the Reverend Coffee Human Rights Awards. I was privileged to present the award I received last year in the Professional category to Jim Foster, a family therapist who started a nonprofit organization called Positive Images for teens struggling with their sexual identity. Dozens of kids, as well as their parents, have attended groups and counseling through Positive Images, kids who identify as gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual. These teens are at the highest risk for committing suicide. There is no doubt in my mind that Jim has been responsible for literally saving the lives of some of these kids.
I also had the privilege that evening of meeting State Senator Mark Leno from San Francisco, the keynote speaker. He does not hide the fact that he gay. He told a story about two elderly men who had been life partners for over 50 years. That is fifty years of living together through good times and bad, in sickness and in health. When one of the partners died very suddenly of a heart attack a couple of years ago, the surviving partner was left without the Social Security benefits and the pension of his deceased loved one, simply because the state did not recognize their union as a legal one. Thus, the surviving elderly gentleman is now struggling to get by on his low Social Security benefits and without the benefit of his life partner’s pension; he would have had access to both had they been “married” in the eyes of the State.
During my years as CEO of the Council on Aging, I have received many heartbreaking letters from gay and lesbian seniors, seniors who have lived their lives in secrecy for fear of being rejected by their families and loved ones. I can only imagine the toll on one’s emotional life when you have to hide a significant part of your identity.
This is why I stood up at a recent City Planning Commission Meeting to support the building of the Fountaingrove Lodge, one of the first continuing care retirement communities marketing to the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. Though it has yet to be built, it is already filling up with reservations. Perhaps the most significant thing that the Fountaingrove Lodge will do is provide a safe place to age for people who have felt ostracized most of their lives.
The suicide risk not only affects gay and lesbian teens. Not long ago, a beloved donor and friend of the Council on Aging took her own life when she found she could not get beyond the grief of losing her lifetime partner to cancer. I had recommended to her many times that she join a hospice or bereavement support group, but she declined to do so. I believe that, as a 71-year-old lesbian woman, she was afraid to come out to a group of strangers. It simply had not been acceptable in her generation.
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| Recently we had dinner with some friends, and we talked about their gay teenage son. They said they knew he was gay when he was only six years old. It was that obvious. Homosexuality is more than just a matter of sex. This young man is one of the nicest kids that I have ever known. He is kind, creative, generous and smart. I only wish that all parents could be as accepting and loving as my friends are with their son.
In the end, I don’t think it really matters why someone is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. What matters is that we are all human beings with the same need to be loved and accepted. We get hung up on the “sex” part and forget that what makes successful unions are love, respect, empathy and commitment.
I hope that in the coming year we will have the courage to address our fears of those people who are different from us, whether that be in age, race, gender, social status or sexual orientation. And I hope that the tide of hate toward gays and lesbians that has swept the political realm in the last few years will turn. May we recognize the dignity of all of our fellow human beings with kindness and respect, remembering that the very thing we crave the most must first come from within us.
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