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A few weeks ago I was speaking at a Rotary Club in Sebastopol. The topic was ``How to Age Successfully and Remain Sexy.'' I confess I threw in the ``sexy'' part in order to grab their attention. I leaned into the podium and asked, ``Do you really want to know the key to successful aging?''
The room became silent. I paused, and then said, ``Stop paying so much attention to your cholesterol and start paying attention to gratitude and forgiveness in your life.''
This little discovery was the result of a 10-year Harvard College study that researched what it takes to age in a positive and healthy manner.
With all of the focus on material gifts during the holidays, sometimes the best gifts we can give to others and ourselves are overlooked.
Gratitude comes from contentment. To be content with our circumstances, relationships, health and possessions at any moment in our lives is the secret to finding joy as well. I remember living in a small apartment in Chicago, then later in Los Angeles. We had few material belongings, and we were living in rough inner-city neighborhoods. But I was content because I found sheer joy in my work as a minister.
Forgiveness may be the ultimate spiritual task for us all. It is gut-wrenchingly difficult. It demands empathy, humility, an open heart and a conscious choice to forgive regardless of what our emotions tell us. It is a process, not a point in time, but that process frees us in a way that nothing else can.
The alternative is bitterness, disappointment, anger, resentment and hostility. All of which can strangle a healthy life both emotionally and physically.
Experience has taught me that forgiveness is never cheap. When the person who commits an offense against us or harms us in some way does not take responsibility for wrongdoing or fails to be remorseful, it is incredibly difficult. We are left with the choice of holding onto the pain and anger or letting it go for the sake of our health.
In this instance, forgiveness becomes about self love. I choose to forgive because I know it is the best thing for me to do, not because the wrongdoer deserves my forgiveness. In the process, we sometimes find empathy for the person who harmed us or, at the least, pity.
The holiday season often brings to mind memories of painful past relationships or disappointments. They are joyous times for many and grievous times as well. I hope during this holiday season, whether you are alone or in the company of many, that there will be opportunity to find reasons to be grateful -- for a smile, a hot meal, the kindness of strangers, a daffodil bulb or pretty lights.
I hope it will also be a time for forgiveness, because whether you are Jewish, Christian, Muslim or something other, the message of grace rings true for us all -- the grace of the divine, the grace we give to others and the grace we give ourselves.
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| Forgiveness and gratitude have the potential of bringing us joy like no material object ever can. They bring healing to our hearts, supersede the cynicism of our day and are the priceless gifts we can give to others, as well as ourselves.
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| You are so right. My grandmother never had a bad thought about anyone and always forgave without question. She lived a long and happy life and left behind many people who considered there own lives blessed because she had been a part of it.
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| Amen. If only we could all take this to heart....especially our highest elected officials! |
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